Joey I'm Not Angry Anymore

August 3, 2022

Last summer, when Joey Gallo was traded from the Texas Rangers to the New York Yankees, I immediately talked to my cousin Pat, a diehard Yankee fan.

"Dude, Gallo is riding a hot streak now. Just entering his prime. Full protection in that lineup. Short porch. He will mash."

I am admittedly a Joey Gallo fan. I have been since he was a first-rounder, a highly-touted prospect. Off the charts power. The three-true outcome poster child of the modern age. I've always had a fascination with this type of all-or-nothing player. We all remember Adam Dunn. Some of us remember Billy Ashley. Very few remember Willie Ansley.

"But here's the thing man," I continued, "He is really frustrating to watch and it might take a little bit. He walks a lot. He takes so many pitches it's hard to stay awake when he's hitting. He strikes out a ton. He's always behind in the count. But he hits the everliving shit out of the ball."

I could imagine it all playing out.

He would attract his share of boo-birds in the Bronx, sure. Prolonged slumps and players best appreciated by mathematical formulas in the big picture, don't always play well in that market. But the power...

I could picture the bros in the stands. "Come on Jowey. Hit a fukin' homah Jowey!"

And it hasn't gone that way. Not one bit.

Now everyone in the crowd says something more like, "The fugoutta here jowey yafuginbum." On repeat.

And that's because Joey Gallo sucks at baseball now. And I really don't want him to. Not at all.

Now, Gallo has been given a lifeline. He started growing his beard back in anticipation of this moment. He's been traded to the Los Angeles Dodgers. You know, the place where they fix guys like Joey Gallo. Will he become the next resurrected post-hype-bust like Justin Turner, Chris Taylor or Max Muncy, or will he be a two-month rental tuning up for a soon-to-be-legendary slowpitch softball career?

I'm hoping for the former.

If nothing else, coming up with this title led me to this killer cover of Concrete Blonde's "Joey" by Local H.